by Mitch TempleDistorted thinking (we should never have conflict; my spouse should meet all my needs) can lay “ruts” in your mind… For many years in our marriage every time my dear wife disagreed with me, I got defensive. Instead of trying to understand her point of view, I reacted. Maybe blew up. That, my friend, is a rut. And it got deeper every time I spun my wheels in it. Rhonda gets into ruts as well. She manages our finances and does a wonderful job. But sometimes when money is tight, she tries to shield me by fixing the problem on her own. When I probe to find out what’s wrong, she doesn’t want to talk about it. I pressure her and she becomes more frustrated. I get defensive, she gets defensive, and then we argue, criticize, and withdraw. We have learned new ways to handle things, but we resort back to the past. Same lousy ruts, same nonresults.  [..read more on how to get out of the Rut]